The Ego and The Quid, by Sigmund J. Trump



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Via: ExtraNews

This Weak in Politics, Vol. 205 October 24, 2019 What a long, strange, intense year this week has been. The president of the United States called fellow Republicans “human scum,” and a Republican Senator a “pompous ass,” one of his lawyers told a judge he thinks Trump should be able to literally shoot someone without consequence, another of his lawyers is in hiding since his friends and associates, Lenny and Squiggy, got arrested on federal charges, while still another of his lawyers is enjoying, we presume, “Taco Thursday” in the Otisville Federal Correctional Institution. His Chief of Staff is reading news stories informing him that Steve “Mnuche-bag” Mnuchin or Kellyanne “my husband gets his power through me, if you haven’t noticed” Conway may replace him, and American troops are having potatoes hurled at them while Russians move into their bases. A senior Republican Senator stated he thinks it was a good idea for the US to get out of the way of Turkey’s ethnic cleansing of the Kurds, and President Trump gave a progress update on the wall being built on Colorado’s southern border with (New?) Mexico. And we are supposed to make the news funny? That’s like being tasked with making Heidi Klum beautiful, making salt salty, or making Billy Joel schmaltzy. But here goes… The evidence for impeachment — particularly over the now infamous Ukrainian quid pro quo — is mounting by the second, causing the Trump administration to become increasingly agitated and paranoid. (What could possibly go wrong with an insecure narcissist getting agitated, all the while his little hands have access to the nuclear codes?) Democrats are becoming more and more convinced that articles of impeachment are appropriate and should pass the house, because… facts. Republicans wholeheartedly disagree with this assertion, because… Benghazi, Jesus, plastic straws, witch hunt, Obama, Lisa Page, and the designated hitter rule. At first, Republicans argued that there couldn’t be a quid pro quo because there was no “quid.” Then Ambassador Bill Taylor came along and testified that Trump was indeed looking for dirt on political rivals. So, they moved their argument to “there being no ‘quo.’ ” But we soon learned that indeed, defense funding was being held up — and that the Ukrainians knew about this. They should have argued that there was actually no “pro” as there hasn’t been a pro involved in this administration since James Mattis left. In any event, the Latin phrase “quid pro quo” is now being uttered all across the nation. Trump thinks all this Latin talk may help him win the Latin American vote, particularly in states that border Mexico… like Colorado. The musical quid puns are more fun than you’d think. And plentiful. In addition to The Quids are Alright, there’s New Quids on The Block, Bette Quidler, Quid Rock, Quid Row, and The Beach Boys. This week seemed to usher in the biggest threat to Trump’s presidency to date — the testimony of Ambassador Bill Taylor. And if that threat pans out, it will mean that Trump’s demise was…wait for it…Taylor made. At least we’ll be able to comfort ourselves with the knowledge that Trump will be reminded of that every single day of his life from here on out. In their zeal to please the president, Congressional Republicans have abandoned facts in the impeachment debate as completely as they’ve abandoned the Kurds. This week, rather than argue in a nuanced way that the quid pro quo phone call between Trump and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was “a perfect call,” they stormed a hearing and ate pizza at the Democrats. We wish that last sentence were “satire,” but alas, with this being 2019, it is not. Republican House members, led by the Freedumb Caucus stormed the Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility (SCIF) where the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Adam Schiff, was holding a deposition of a high-ranking Defense Department official. The stunt backfired, however, and there was immediate backlash against the Republicans. In other words, the whole event turned into a Schiff SCIF whiff. Sorry. We apologize for that rant, or…that Schiff SCIF whiff riff, if you will. Ok. ok. We won’t use that term again. With the Republicans storming the gates of the SCIF being led by Matt Gaetz, we will instead call it Gaetz-gates-gate. We hope this catches on. All that said, it does not seem that the wing-nut pizza party, no matter what it’s called, worked. It remains all but a certainty that the House will impeach President Trump, thereby moving the action to the Senate. Fortunately for the nation, the Senate — the upper chamber of the United States Congress, the centerpiece of our legislative branch, is a sober, responsible, fair-minded body — free of political influence, and the impeachment trial they hold will be a reflection of this. Oh, who are we fooling? It’s gonna be a shitshow. Senate Majority “Leader” Mitch McConnell has already sent out fundraising appeals asking donors to give him some dough so he can kill the impeachment — you know, just as the Constitution prescribed! On the subject of shitshows, the president continues to struggle to rationalize his abandonment of the Kurds and the subsequent enabling of ethnic cleansing. He’s argued that the fighting between Turks and Kurds goes back thousands of years (all the way back to the 1970s). He’s argued that the US withdrawal led to a cease fire which will save millions of lives. His most consistent argument has been that he is simply bringing our troops home. To Saudi Arabia. It’s a time-honored tradition. Who can forget, for example, this iconic photo of American troops returning to the middle eastern kingdom on V-J day in 1945? And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where the president of the United States suggested that we’re building a border wall in Colorado. What’s worse is that a crowd of his supporters cheered wildly at this news. If there’s one thing Trump supporters in western Pennsylvania love — it’s crystal meth. If there are two things, they’re crystal meth and non-existent walls keeping Mexicans out of Colorado — even if they’re New Mexicans. And don’t worry — New Mexico will pay for the wall! Just quidding. If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things that the kids these days do. Follow us on Medium.com and on twitter at @sbouchard67 https://ift.tt/2NSvnOH The Ego and The Quid, by Sigmund J. Trump was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.


The Ego and The Quid, by Sigmund J. Trump

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