Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "The 10 “Personal Secrets” Madeleine Westerhout Shared About Donald Trump That Got Her Fired"
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Via: Medium
Truth In SatireThe president’s personal assistant got gassed up and gabby with reporters, blowing the lid off Trump’s toupeeThe president’s 29-year-old personal assistant is the girl who knew too much. (Credit: bbc.com) Madeleine Westerhout had a few too many drinks during a dinner with reporters last month, then she said too much. Donald Trump’s 29-year-old personal assistant shared top secret information about his family, prompting her firing this week for “Blabbing While Intoxicated.” Reporters who were at the Westerhout gathering shared these salacious tidbits from the young woman’s postprandial yak fest. Any one of the ten would be grounds for receiving Trump’s famous rebuke, “YOU’RE FIRED!” #1: “He has framed photos of Michelle Obama in his private bathroom”: Westerhout told her drinking buddies that she had no idea why so many photographs of the former first lady were hanging by his toilet, but that Oval Office insiders often refer to the president’s infamous ‘executive time” as his “Michelle time.” #2: “He never drinks alcohol, but loves a shot of fentanyl”: Nothing explains Trump’s erratic, unbalanced behavior like this reveal from Westerhout. He loves to brag that he has never had a drink, but he doesn’t say a word about his love for fentanyl. According to his just-fired assistant, he starts every day with “a double-shot of ‘my precious fenta, as he calls it,’ then he starts tweeting.” #3: “He doesn’t like to be seen in photos with daughter Tiffany, because “she’s whip-smart, which makes him look even dumber”: Westerhout told her table mates that Trump avoids being photographed with his daughter Tiffany because she’s extremely smart — evidenced by her avoiding everything to do with her father — resulting in his stupidity screaming even louder in her presence. #4: “Boxers — with skid marks — not briefs.”: Westerhout told gathered journalists that President Trump wears boxers emblazoned with a family crest … and something else — a frequent fecal streak on the inside of his underpants. How would she know? “One of my first tasks in the morning is to gather Mr. Trump’s dirty laundry from his bedside hamper and run it down to the basement.” #5: “He doesn’t like to be seen in photos next to wife Melania, because “she has man hands, making his mitts look super teensy-weensy.”: You know those famous videos where Melania appears to be shunning her husband’s hand? In truth, it’s the president who avoids holding his wife’s hand because “he feels the first lady has huge man hands which make his look even more miniscule.” Westerhout also revealed that Trump keeps a pair of “large prosthetic hands under his Oval Office desk which he uses for executive order signings when his hands are often photographed in close-up.” #6: “The president keeps a running hit list of his enemies, updated hourly.”: Ms. Westerhout reports that Donald Trump has a classified “Vendettas of the Day” list with the names of whomever he hates at the moment. Those people are slated for attack via tweet, and Ms. Westerhout is required to remind the president hourly who is scheduled for a Twitter assault. #7: “Mr. Trump is so embarrassed to be seen in photos with his imbecile son Eric, a better-looking body double always stands in.”: The last time the president was in the presence of his mentally-challenged, vampiric son Eric was in late 2016, if Ms. Westerhout’s telling is correct. In her words: “Immediately after the election, Mr. Trump hired a handsome body double for Eric who rushes in whenever a camera appears and shoves Eric out of the way. Don Jr. gets a big laugh out of it.” #8: “The president airs out his toupee for exactly one hour between six and seven p.m.”: The rumors are true — the straw cap on his head isn’t his hair. This was confirmed by Ms. Westerhout, who was made to sign a confidentialty agreement specifically related to secrecy around Trump’s toupee. She says that the hairpiece is “placed on the corner of the Resolute Desk precisely at six p.m., where it is brushed and perfumed in preparation for the president’s evening schedule. During that hour, no one is permitted to enter the Oval Office.” #9: “Mr. Trump was working on a self-cloning project with Jeffrey Epstein before the pervert’s arrest and death.”: “The president often said that the world needed more Donald Trumps,” Ms. Westerhout offered between sips of white wine. “He also said that his friend Mr. Epstein was working on a self-cloning project to make that happen.” Interestingly, the president’s assistant also said that Mr. Epstein harvested “a large portion of Mr. Trump’s frontal cortex in early 2019 for a test run of the cloning experiment,” which may have contributed to the president’s rapid mental deterioration. #10: “Spanx, two pairs at once, women’s XXL”: “Getting the president into his suit every day is no laughing matter,” Ms. Westerhout laughed to her reporter friends. “Before he wrestles his pants on every morning, he squeezes himself into two pairs of Spanx layered over each other. I know this for the same reason I know about his underwear.” When reporters at the notorious dinner then asked Ms. Westerhout to guess the Mr. Trump’s actual weight, she would only say, “… well, lighter than a fully grown humpback whale but definitely heavier than a hippopotamus.” **** Thanks for reading. You can find more from me here and here. –AI The 10 “Personal Secrets” Madeleine Westerhout Shared About Donald Trump That Got Her Fired was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
