Below is an extract of a post published on ExtraNews titled "Don And Melania’s 8 Proven Social Distancing Tips For Couples"
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Make america great again.- Donald Trump.
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog.- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.- Theodore Roosevelt.
Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak and esteem to all.- George Washington.
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Via: ExtraNews
Truth In SatireTheir well-honed marital avoidance techniques could save both of your lives during a pandemicOur prescient president has been practicing six-foot social distancing guidelines with his wife for years. (Credit: https://ift.tt/2Y7KUOz) Anyone who doubts that President Donald J. Trump knew a serious pandemic was coming need only look at how well prepared he and his wife were for COVID-19. Airplanes being COVID cesspools, the president always grabs an isolated seat away from Melania before she boards. (Credit: https://ift.tt/2VFtNC3) The “First Couple” have been honing touch-free techniques for years in anticipation of the coronavirus epidemic and, thankfully, it has saved their lives If you’re currently married and wondering how to survive, do as Don and Melania do and avoid each other like, well…the plague. Here’s how: NEVER HOLD HANDS. Don and Melania realized long ago that holding hands was a surefire way to spread lethal contagion. If you must hold hands to portray marital bliss, says the first lady, carry Purell in pocket or purse and douse your hands with disinfectant once you’ve passed from public view. 2. WALK SIX FEET IN FRONT OF YOUR SPOUSE. The president has been ridiculed for leaving Melania in the dust. Actually, he has been chivalrously protecting her from deadly viruses. Like the first couple, spouses should always stay six feet away from each other, especially when boarding a plane or parading around at a public event. 3. DON’T DINE TOGETHER. Anticipating the coming pandemic, Don and Melania have not eaten a meal together since late 2016. It guards them against accidentally sharing the same fork or drinking from the same glass. Adopting this practice in your own marriage can save you from a terrible family contagion—just ask Chris and Christina Cuomo, who stupidly went halvsies on the same plate of spaghetti back in March. 4. PHONING IN IS ALWAYS PREFERABLE TO FACE-TO-FACE. When Don and Melania need to speak, they always call rather than meet in person. This prevents, for instance, spitting on each other during the heated domestic quarrel which spreads virus and makes it difficult to flatten the family curve. 5. SLEEP IN SEPARATE BEDROOMS. While a good idea at all times for preserving marital bliss, defined sleeping quarters are absolutely mandatory during a pandemic, what with aerosolized virus being constantly shed during the night from snoring mouths. Don and Melania began sleeping separately in 2010, although not to evade coronaviruses, but rather to keep from sharing Donald’s STDs. 6. DON’T MAKE EYE CONTACT. While this tip might seem extreme, the latest epidemiology studies (always read carefully by the first couple) suggest that just looking directly at your spouse might transfer tiny virus particles. This is particularly true if you’re shooting eye daggers at one another, as viral agents can stick to the tips of the daggers. Don and Melania have mastered the art of averting their eyes whenever in each other’s presence. 7. TRY NOT TO CROSS PATHS MORE THAN ONCE A MONTH. The first couple admits that this is easier when living in a multi-room mansion rather than a one-bedroom apartment, but they believe it’s possible for all couples. Melania suggests attaching a “spouse tracker” to the seat of your husband’s pants and avoiding any room or area of the living space where your significant other might roam. 8. AIM FOR A “SOCIAL DISTANCING DIVORCE.” Don and Melania advocate that couples take this step as soon as possible, although, as America’s “model couple,” they are not able to bring this viral suppression technique to their own marriage…yet. They have, however, announced that they are excited about getting a “social distancing divorce” the moment Donald’s presidency ends in January 2021. Divorce is an effective way to practice permanent social distancing and prevent pandemic spread within marriages. Don and Melania encourage you to follow these “tried and true” Trump marital distancing guidelines today … and stay safe! **** Thanks for reading. You can find more from me here. Don And Melania’s 8 Proven Social Distancing Tips For Couples was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
