Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "What if They Held a War and it Was a Snow Day?"
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Make america great again.- Donald Trump.
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog.- Dwight D. Eisenhower.
The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.- Theodore Roosevelt.
Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak and esteem to all.- George Washington.
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Via: Medium
This Weak in Politics, Vol. 215 January 9, 2019 A historical note about today’s date. 107 years ago today, Richard M. Nixon was born. During the latter part of his life, Nixon was known as the most corrupt president in U.S. history. Today, he remains the second most corrupt president in U.S. history. Now that we got that out of the way, on to the news. The United States and Iran came Bay of Pigs-like close to going to war this week, until cooler heads prevailed. Heightened tensions (which sounds like a pretentious perfume) started when President Trump ordered the killing of the head of the Iranian military last week. In response, Iran fired 16 missiles at a U.S. military installation in Iraq on Wednesday. You were warned…Ayatollyah so In the U.S., Americans braced for what they thought were imminent hostilities (which sounds like a pretentious perfume), though thankfully there have been none as of yet. Trump’s excursions in the region have not roiled just Iran alone. Following the attack on General Soleimani, Iraq moved to bar the US from having a presence in Iraq. Barred from Iraq? That’s like getting booted out of Walmart for not meeting the dress code. Seriously — neither of these gentlemen was thrown out of either Walmart or Iraq At this point, we need to make an important note. If this week’s issue seems like it was written in short spurts, there is an explanation: we’re writing this issue while drinking the toxic waste goop one must drink to prepare for a colonoscopy. In other words, this week’s issue is brought to you by the fine folks at Suprep™ Bowel Prep Kit. Note: Suprep™ Bowel Prep Kit folks — for a nominal fee, TWITPOL could be the official reading material for Suprep™ — and let’s face it, your consumers spend a lot of time in the reading room. Credit where credit is due, Mr. President. It has been about 15 flushes today. And mom, remember that Frosty The Snowman Pez dispenser whose head I swallowed when I was 7? I just found it. We digress. Back to the Middle East. The only thing the tit-for-tat skirmish with Iran seems to have done, really, is to enable reporters across the globe to say tit. Everywhere we turned there was someone on the boob-tube (see what we did there?) saying tit. Because apparently these people like saying tit. We are certainly NOT among the people who like saying tit. These are the same people that get very excited when they get to report Gamecocks’ scores and who pray for the day that Trump’s tariff wars cause problems for kumquat farmers. And they are downright giddy when they think of the day they’ll get to report on the death of Engelbert Humperdinck. Our regular readers may well note we are far too mature for all that. If you are not a regular reader, might we recommend a fine laxative from the good folks at Suprep™? But that is enough tit for now. Back to boobs. The president sought to reassure the nation the day following the tat portion of the tit-for-tat by urging the civilized world to tell Iran, and we quote, “your campaign of terror-murder, mayhem will not be…tall-yer-rided any longer.” He then went on to remind Americans that during his administration, and again, we quote, “Historic accomprament shades are strategic priorities.” https://ift.tt/2T70lnE Accomprament Shades™ by Ray Ban We are not suggesting the Commander in Chief doesn’t exactly have his shit together (not unlike us, while drinking Suprep™), but, in the past week alone: Trump stated that he would target Iranian cultural sites, then his Secretary of State said he didn’t say that, then Trump said it again. When informed on cable news that doing so would be against international law, Trump whined, then claimed he follows the law. Assassinated an Iranian general (and an Iraqi politician whom no one seems to mention) on Iraqi soil. Following this, Iran launched missiles at American military installations in Iraq, for which Trump said the American people should be “grateful” and “very happy.” Seriously, this stuff just comes pouring out of Trump’s ass. It reminds us of… never mind. You know where we were going with that. ™ And to top it all off, during the Iranian missile launch, information from the Pentagon was slow to come due to Pentagon officials being sent home as the D.C. area was being walloped by a massive winter storm that blanketed the region with .036 inches of snow. The Pentagon at the time of the Iranian missile launch We know many of you are probably thinking “that’s silly. Like someone with the stature of the Secretary of Defense would have a parking spot in the regular (there’s that word again. We’re looking at you, Suprep.™) Pentagon lot.” You’re right. The secretary is treated with much more respect than that. He actually has two spots, making him the Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson of war. What if they held a war and it was a snow day? As of this writing, the House has voted to seriously curb the president’s ability to unilaterally (literal translation: “one latterly”) engage in acts of war without congressional approval — a concept already codified in law under the 1973 War Powers Act, which is not to be confused with the bill changing daylight savings time, which is called the Warp Hours Act. In other domestic news, the president this week seemed to claim that his administration was well on the way to curing cancer even in the first year of his administration. body[data-twttr-rendered=“true”] {background-color: transparent;}.twitter-tweet {margin: auto !important;} U.S. Cancer Death Rate Lowest In Recorded History! A lot of good news coming out of this Administration. — @realDonaldTrump function notifyResize(height) {height = height ? height : document.documentElement.offsetHeight; var resized = false; if (window.donkey && donkey.resize) {donkey.resize(height);resized = true;}if (parent && parent._resizeIframe) {var obj = {iframe: window.frameElement, height: height}; parent._resizeIframe(obj); resized = true;}if (window.location && window.location.hash === “#amp=1” && window.parent && window.parent.postMessage) {window.parent.postMessage({sentinel: “amp”, type: “embed-size”, height: height}, “*”);}if (window.webkit && window.webkit.messageHandlers && window.webkit.messageHandlers.resize) {window.webkit.messageHandlers.resize.postMessage(height); resized = true;}return resized;}twttr.events.bind(‘rendered’, function (event) {notifyResize();}); twttr.events.bind('resize’, function (event) {notifyResize();});if (parent && parent._resizeIframe) {var maxWidth = parseInt(window.frameElement.getAttribute(“width”)); if ( 500 < maxWidth) {window.frameElement.setAttribute(“width”, “500”);}} Shortly after that, he bragged about the economy and its positive impact on your 409K. Finally, across the pond, Duke and Duchess of Essex, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle (not to be confused with the Douche and Douchess of New York, Donald Trump, Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle), announced this week they intend to step away from the royal family and get rich on their own. Sources close to the Trump family tell us that 17 minutes later, Barron and Tiffany Trump inexplicably began Googling the phrase “wait…what? You can do that?” Duke and Duchess (left), Douche and Douchess (right) And that’s the way the weak spent the week. On the can. Thanks to the fine folks at Suprep.™ But they also spent it wondering to themselves, “can you imagine being such an aggressive-bellicose nation that you accidentally shot down a commercial jetliner with hundreds of passengers?” If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things the kids these days do. Follow us on Medium.com and on twitter: @sbouchard67 What if They Held a War and it Was a Snow Day? was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
