Below is an extract of a post published on ExtraNews titled "No-Witness News"
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Via: ExtraNews
This Weak in Politics, Vol. 218 January 30, 2019 “Justice has prevailed! Mitch McConnell has enough votes to block witnesses!” said no thinking person, and every Republican, ever. And yet, here we are. The questions and answers phase of the impeachment trial of Donald John Trump — it sounds way more formal when you use the defendant’s middle name — is underway. Though, to be honest, the questions and answers phase is not meant to generate questions or solicit answers. It’s meant for Senators to be able to show their home state constituents that they kicked either Schiff or Trump in the nuts, depending on whether they’re red or blue. The states. Not the nuts. In other words, the trial has descended into madness. In fact, it’s been such a sham and a farce that there is already a play in the works to portray it on stage. The reason the “trial” is not being viewed as a serious exercise in jurisprudence and congressional oversight is that Senators like Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz sold out faster than Alan Dershowitz after being shown the photos from Little St. James Island. Other Senators, like Mitch McConnell and John Kennedy are to Donald Trump what Charlie McCarthy was to Edgar Bergen. Even more than that, though, the trial is a sham because the Republican controlled senate is widely expected to vote to bar witnesses from testifying. We don’t need to tell you how absurd that is, and we don’t want to use any of the already tired analogies involving days and sunshine or cookies and milk. Instead, we will leave it at this — a trial without witnesses would be like an Epstein, Trump, and Dershowitz party without underage girls. Oh, relax Alan, we kid. Don’t get your famous underwear in a bunch. Seriously, though. Can you imagine the effect on society should witnesses no longer be allowed? The cultural impact alone would be devastating: Harrison Ford’s 1985 film about a big city cop working a case in Amish country, one of Marvin Gaye’s earliest hits, and the movie based on Agatha Christie’s classic whodunit novel Even if the Republican senate decides it wants to use witnesses as a fig leaf to coverup the pre-determined outcome of the removal vote, it is likely they will only call people with the surnames Biden, Schiff, or Blower. John Bolton and Mick “Mick” Mulvaney will NOT testify, as both have been placed in the witness prevention program. The senate, by virtue of capitulating to impeached president, Donald Trump, is only the latest of our foundational pillars of government to wither in the face of a despot. We aren’t saying that all of the institutions of our democracy have collapsed or have been weakened beyond recognition, but… In terms of the trial, as it were, Trump’s legal defense team raised notions of justice that we suspect the founding fathers might not recognize. For example: Abuse of power is not illegal; Quid pro quo/bribery is not illegal; Election interference is not illegal; And that if there are “mixed motives” for an illegal act, and one of them seems less crimey than the others, then the act isn’t illegal. Trump defense team member and retired Harvard Law School Professor, the aforementioned Alan Dershowitz, even went so far as to argue that if a president believes he is a great president, and therefore that his re-election would be in the national interest, any illicit activity he takes to secure his re-election can NOT be considered impeachable as it was done in the nation’s interest, not his. Legal scholars and court observers call this legal argument, “Alan is fucking nuts.” For his part, Dershowitz remains unfazed by the criticism. Instead, he spent much of the week humbly maintaining that he is absolutely correct, has studied the issue more than anybody, and that his motives are pure while everyone else’s are malevolent. To prove his point, Dershowitz said he had in his possession an undeniable piece of evidence — that he was going to show the world — that would prove the rightness of his view. Unfortunately for Dershowitz, it turns out it was actually a bag of Utz™ Sour Cream n’ Onion chips: https://ift.tt/37FYUkM Alan In other domestic news, Jerry Falwell and the Governor of West Virginia (the inaptly named Jim Justice) are trying to lure several Virginia counties to re-incorporate as parts of West Virginia. (“Hey little county, want some candy?”) The duo has dubbed their movement “Vexit.” This is not to be confused with the phenomenon that occurs when young right-wing incels enter a room— which is known as “Vagexit.” Ok, ok… that was sick. Which brings us to our final topic of the night, coronavirus. The World Health Organization on Thursday declared the outbreak of the virus a global health emergency, which, according to our sister publication, the NY Times, means the “world’s top health advisory body rates the situation as serious.” So, this situation is not going to be left to small town epidemiologists to deal with. The big dogs are now on it. In other words, W.H.O. let the dogs out. As for we Americans? Don’t worry. President Trump is at the helm. He’ll build a wall between the virus and the American people. What could possibly go wrong? Trump’s epidemic prevention plan should go well… unless there’s a breeze. And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where abuse of power isn’t illegal, indestructible walls are toppling over, and our most powerful defense against tyranny has devolved into another opportunity for the two parties to butt heads. Which is only fitting, considering Beavis is one of the attorneys. Note: We don’t mean to make light of the coronavirus epidemic. We urge you to lend a hand. Our preference in Doctors Without Borders/Medecins Sans Frontieres. If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things the kids these days do. Follow us on Medium.com and on twitter: @sbouchard67 https://ift.tt/2NSvnOH No-Witness News was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
