Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "Macy’s Says New Trump Balloon Will Not Fly In Thanksgiving Day Parade Due To “High Windbaggery”"
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Via: Medium
Truth In SatireA department store representative says that presidential balloon would have contained “without a doubt, the most hot air ever”The Trump balloon was expected to receive a lot of attention, as well as a hail of rotten eggs and tomatoes. (Credit: posilicious.com) Macy’s announced today that the highly-anticipated President Trump balloon would not fly in the 2019 Thanksgiving Day Parade due to “high windbaggery.” “This was the first time that a U.S. president would have been depicted as a balloon in our parade, so it’s a shame,” said Macy’s president, Frank Bluster. “Not only is Mr. Trump a famous former New Yorker, but he’s filled with hot air, which makes him just right for a giant, bombastic balloon. For many Americans, he’s also a fictional president, which would have proven ideal for a helium-filled, fantasy creation.” Chicago said that their version of the Trump balloon would probably still fly in the city’s annual parade. In this 93rd annual Macy’s parade, the President of the United States would have joined Astronaut Snoopy, Smokey Bear, Pikachu, the Pillsbury Dough Boy and 46 other iconic fantasy figures floating above New York City’s streets. The Trump balloon was expected to be more than five stories tall, requiring 30 Secret Service agents to manage the guide ropes and keep the president from floating away — an event that for many would have been the highlight of the parade. Parents were advised to avert the eyes of children who might be frightened by the puckered face and bright orange complexion of the new President Trump balloon. Asked if the grounding of the President Trump balloon was definite, Mr. Bluster said, “We’re 90% certain — and that’s particularly disappointing because our latex designers had finally been able to match Mr. Trump’s unusual orange hair color and strange complexion.” Mr. Bluster added that there was initial concern among Macy’s parade staff that the Trump balloon might be too scary for children, but concluded that kids could simply pelt it with rotten eggs and tomatoes if it became excessively repulsive to them. People who just wanted to express frustration with the Trump presidency — estimated at 95% of the spectators lining the parade route — would also have been invited to participate in the balloon bombardment, Mr. Bluster said. **** Thanks for reading. You can find more from me here and here. –AI Macy’s Says New Trump Balloon Will Not Fly In Thanksgiving Day Parade Due To “High Windbaggery” was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
