Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "Impeachment, Round 1: Taylor v. Devin Nunes"
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This Weak in Politics, Vol. 208Ambassador Bill “LT” Taylor handles another asinine Devin Nunes question as lawmakers and their counsels look on. November 13, 2019 Our long national nightmare is… well… at the beginning of the middle-part, with no end in sight. That’s because the least suspenseful impeachment inquiry in the history of impeachment inquiries is officially underway. For the next several weeks we’ll all be hearing about the activities of the Trumpbino family and their waste-management affiliates before Congress passes articles of impeachment in a 234–197 vote. (Depending on when vacancies are filled this could become a 236–199 vote. Suspenseful!) Then there’ll be a “trial” in the “Senate.” Two pieces of suspense await us in the upper chamber: First, will Mitch McConnell move immediately to kill the trial, arguing the American people spoke in 2016, and they’ll speak again in 2020? Second, if he allows a “trial,” who’ll cave first on acquitting Trump, Mitt Romney or Susan Collins? Now, as “journalists,” we aren’t here to answer questions like this. But the answer is: Yes, Mitch will quickly kill the trial. If he doesn’t, of course Romney will cave first. The one cross-over vote will be a senator (whose name rhymes with Moe Janchin of Vest Wirginia) who’ll vote to acquit, arguing Trump’s been sufficiently punished by the house, and if the people want him removed they can do so at the ballot box in 2020. Senator John Kennedy (R-LA), whose NO vote is in no way in question, will still find his way to cameras and say something like, “Well jiggety-dang. If the dog ain’t hollerin’ at the swine, then there’ll be peaches for the eatin’ come Saturdee,” or some other nonsense which will cause the #MAGA crowd to say, “Man, that guy is smart!” Lindsey Graham, who’s refusing to “dignify this sham impeachment,” will nonetheless take to the floor and engage in grilling witnesses. Lindsey has always loved a good query. Back to the impeachment inquiry — Republicans took their solemn role seriously, having recent Trump University Law School dropout, Steve Castor, fumble his way through what we’ll generously call “questioning” of witnesses. We aren’t saying he failed miserably and seemed exasperated by the experience. Instead, we’ll just show this photo from the hearing: Seriously… if Devin Nunes is thinking “wow, this guy’s a blathering moron,” you know it’s bad. (Photo: Drew Angerer, Getty Images) Keenly sensing that Castor failed so poorly that SNL plans on running actual C-Span footage as its cold open, Republicans took drastic measures, asking Jimmy the Jacketless Jackass to substitute as lead questioner. Gym Jordan thrusting his way into the middle of the impeachment ring. That was mean. We should’ve used an archival photo of Gym Jordan with less editorial bias. In another sign of Republican’s sense of solemnity around the hearing, they brought poster boards as though this was a 7th-grade book-report for a book they didn’t/couldn’t read. Inspired by the GOP’s childish tenor, we present this photo of the hearing: There are 9 edits to this photo. If you find them all, or if you are Olivia Munn, send us a note! Aside from that, day one of the inquiry went as hoped: Credible, reliable — unimpeachable — witnesses; two career diplomats, one who’s been in the foreign service for 27 years and speaks seven languages (which is six-and-a-half more than the president speaks) and the other, a decorated combat veteran turned diplomat who’s served under five presidents. (Six if you count Trump.) L: Deputy Assistant Secretary of State George “Clark” Kent, seen here in his role in the film, “Newsies.” R: Ambassador Bill Taylor listening patiently as Gym Jordan speed-reads some gibberish. Republicans, who since the last presidential election have been obsessed with hands, complained incessantly that there were no first-hand witnesses testifying. In a related note: Republicans also support the administration’s order that no first-hand witnesses testify. The Democrats were given unreasonable expectations by the media and by pundits. Their case was laid out clearly and dispassionately by expert witnesses. As such, they were derided as lacking pizazz. Meanwhile, Republicans spouted nonsense, conspiracy-theories, and something about nude pictures of Trump. The reaction of conservative pundits was precisely as expected: https://ift.tt/352cP2M As for Trump— sources say he’s angry and hate-eating his way through the impeachment process. In fact, there’s a soon-to-be released documentary about this very thing: In other news, former Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick entered the 2020 Democratic presidential primary. It’s tough to overstate what this means. Actually, it’s tough to state what this means at all. All we know for sure is that somewhere, John Delaney and Joe Sestak are shitting bricks. L to R: John Delaney, Joe “Sestacks” Calhoun, and Deval Patrick. Note: We didn’t make up Sestak’s slogan. It really is the catchy “ADM Joe — Accountability to America.” Surprisingly, he remains at 0%. We apologize for not being able to find a suitable photograph of Deval Patrick. Instead, we submit this photo of Duvall Patrick. Truth is, we really don’t underestimate Gov. Patrick. If there’s one thing this country desperately wants, it’s a Massachusetts politician as president. “We just can’t get enough Massachusetts winning. The Patriots, the Red Sox, their politicians… we love it!” says everyone in unison. There’s no arguing Massachusetts’ success at picking winners, as this collage of recent Presidents of the US— or, POTI, shows. Oh, relax. We know what you’re thinking — “Holy shit, that’d be the worst!” Oh yeah? Meanwhile, another tax ruling went against Trump this week, which may put him in the unusual position of keeping his word — by releasing his taxes. Just kidding. It’s going to the Supreme Court, which Trump and McConnell fixed some time back. Trump’s banking his survival on his custom-built Supreme Court, though with his aww shucks smile and Tom Hanks appearance, there’s an outside chance Chief Justice John Roberts could find a conscience and do the actual justice part of his job. As such, Trump and his ghouls have been licking their chops at the prospect of Ruth Bader Ginsberg creating a vacancy. But RBG insists she isn’t going anywhere, adding: And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where we just had our 10th major school shooting of 2019. There’s nothing fucking funny about it. Sorry. If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things the kids these days do. Follow us on Medium.com and on twitter: @sbouchard67 https://ift.tt/2NSvnOH Impeachment, Round 1: Taylor v. Devin Nunes was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
