Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "Where Has Mike Pence Been Hiding During Trump’s Raving Racist Rants?"
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Via: Medium
Seriously Salient SatireAs POTUS spews his xenophobic filth, the Vice-President has suddenly vanished — here are the 10 most likely hiding placesLurking in the shadows somewhere far away. (Credit: www.spin.com) Mike Pence has vanished. Even as his lunatic boss went on an extended racist rant this week, the vice-president was nowhere to be found, instead throwing his chief of staff into the fray to defend the unhinged Donald Trump. Pence is clearly trying to dodge the controversy surrounding Trump’s ugly rhetoric, staying out of sight until the supremacist storm clouds blow over. But to where has the vice-president disappeared? Here are the 10 likeliest places where Mike Pence has gone off to hide: “Maybe I can hide behind this kid with the milkshake?” (Credit: www.wthr.com) 1. The Indiana State Fair: This annual event in the former governor’s home state is a good place for the VP to take cover. Tens of thousand of Hoosiers attend the 17-day event in the summer and since most people from Indiana look a lot like Mike Pence, he could disappear into the crowd without a trace. Many political observers concur with the theory that he vanished at the State Fair. “Jesus, hide me from the infidels!” (Credit: www.theatlantic.com) 2. Inside His Church: No one from the immoral, irreligious Trump administration would step foot inside a church of any kind, so Mike Pence could recede from public view for months by camping out in the bowels of his house of worship. The self-described “evangelical Catholic” just has to keep that look of smarmy piety going for awhile longer and he might escape bigotry typhoon. Mike Pence appears on the far left, well disguised in drag. (Credit: www.gaytravel4u.com) 3. Walking the Summer Streets of Provincetown Dressed in Drag: The vice-president hates gays and is on the record as wanting to purge the country of them. So what better place to vanish than at a famously queer summer enclave like Provincetown, Ma, dressed as “Michelle” Pence? Given the choice between anal sex and the label of “white supremacist sympathizer,” the vice-president would likely choose a poke in the brown eye. Ireland might provide shelter, even if Pence has to wash his hands three times after greeting the country’s gay prime minister. (Credit: nowthisnews.com) 4. Ireland: The vice-president’s maternal grandfather, Richard Michael Cawley, arrived at Ellis Island from Tubbercurry, in County Sligo, on April 11, 1923. Although the Trump administration wants to outlaw immigrants from arriving on our shores, the same cannot be said of Ireland. Therefore, as he is of Irish-Catholic descent, Mike Pence could easily “go back to the country he comes from,” into the village of Tubbercurry ,and sequester himself in the old Cawley compound until the hot Irish potato of racism subsides. Race Bannon? Mike Pence? Which is which? (Credit: knowyourmeme.com) 5. On the Set of the old Jonny Quest TV Show Disguised as Race Bannon: Many times in the past when Mike Pence wanted to drop from public view, he would assume the identity of cartoon character Race Bannon, one of the heroes from the 1960s animated television series Jonny Quest. While the show is not currently in production, it is believed the Mr. Pence can still take on Race’s gestures and voice to make himself unrecognizable to the average American while skirting issues of…uh…race. Drinking in the holy scripture. (Credit: www.thegreenhead.com) 6. Sipping Strenuously At Salvation: Mike Pence loves his Bible, and owns a special King James edition with a hidden compartment. That Bible might come in very handy in the days ahead, especially if Mr. Pence can cut a silhouette of his own body out of the thick pages of the Lord’s book and bury himself in the secret compartment along with his hip flask. He should be safe there wrapped in the calming words of the All Mighty as he drinks in the “love for all” message of his savior Jesus Christ. Mike Pence carefully eyeing a private cage in which to lie low for awhile. (Credit: theweeklylist.org) 7. ICE’s Detention Center in McAllen, Texas: VP Pence took in the putrid smell of an ICE detention camp last week and denied there was any problem there. That’s because he’d already struck a deal with ICE staffers there that he would vouch for their good work in exchange for a small, but comfortable private crash pad at McAllen . With virtually no reporters, lawyers, or members of the public allowed inside, no one would discover the concealed Mike Pence. He could live among the foreign detainees for several weeks and not have to explain himself. And because ICE keeps no records of where in its facilities it’s housing immigrant detainees and others in custody, the VP could remain in the ICE system for months if need be. (Credit: https://ift.tt/2Y0yMLR) 8. Kansas/Oz: It’s a well-known fact that Mike Pence’s favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. It’s possible that he sought out the storm cellar of Dorothy Gale’s fictional farmhouse, waiting out the “bluster of Trump’s violent winds against immigrants,” perhaps hoping to be whisked off to Oz where he can melt into the anonymity of Munchkindland with other midgets of morality. There’s Mike, about to squat behind some AR-15 assault rifles. (Credit: twitter.com/mike_pence/status/739171665138061312) 9. At a Crowded Gun Show: Mike Pence goes for guns and the National Rifle Association goes for Mike Pence, giving the VP its highest approval rating. So if Pence needs a place to hide, for a week or even a year, he need only mingle with the redneck masses at the Indy 1500 Gun & Knife Show in his home state. There he can get lost among the pistols and semi-automatics, and if anyone attempts to find him there, they’ll face a hail of Second Amendment bullets. That can’t be Mike Pence dining alone with an attractive woman? (Credit: )www.recipestation.com) 10. Dining Alone with a Woman: Mike Pence famously abstains from eating alone with any other woman than his wife. So a terrific cover-up for the pious and prudish Mr. Pence would be to sit in any Washington, D.C. restaurant flirting with a female mannequin. If reporters were to rush in at that moment hunting for Mike Pence, they’d run right past his table. And our clever VP could avoid any uncomfortable questions about his racist leanings for yet another day. **** Thanks for reading. You can find more from me here and here. –AI Where Has Mike Pence Been Hiding During Trump’s Raving Racist Rants? was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
