Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "The Big Gang Theory — a Bob Mueller Presentation"
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Via: Medium
The Big Gang Theory — a Bob Mueller Presentation This Weak in Politics, Vol. 174 March 21, 2019 As the whole world awaits the possible release of the Mueller Report, the president has sought to distract the nation by unleashing his own version of March Madness…the thoughts in his Adderall-addled head via his Twitter account. The focus of the president’s twirade was clearly the Russia investigation. Oh, and Bob Mueller. Oops, and John McCain — so the Russia investigation, Bob Mueller and John McCain. And autoworkers. And France. And Democrats and Shephard Smith and Saturday Night Live and Google and fake news and Hillary and…you know what, it would be much easier if we listed the things did not Tweet attack: Vladimir Putin, stuffed crust pizza, and Twinkies. The world was not one to get distracted, however. So we wait for the Mueller report — a report that will likely prove to be a Rorschach test, with Democrats seeing impeachment worthy crimes, Republicans seeing a…hey look…tax cuts!, and President Trump seeing IMMIGRANTS COMING IN ROVING HORDES TO RAPE AND PILLAGE, and no collusion. In the meantime, United States Attorney General William “Roseanne” Barr, who first gained fame in the early 90s as United States Attorney General (29 years later he gets a lateral promotion?), is the man with all the power. The release of the report is, according to the president, “up to the Attorney General.” So the Attorney General is anxiously awaiting the report in precisely the same way that a teenager used to wait for their report card to arrive in the mail, trying to catch it before his mother did so he could change that “F” to a “B” (because there’s no way he could sell an “A”). We heard about a teenager like that once back in the day. Exactly what Attorney General Barr will do with the report remains a mystery, and one that is very hard to predict. Barr’s mercurial nature once earned him a nickname during his previous stint as AG: AG Barr’s reputation was so strong back in the day that across western towns, moderately penis-shaped signs featuring his nickname were erected (see what we did there?) Keen observers of the Mueller investigation and the Godfather trilogy are beginning to speculate that interactions with Russians will not be the central piece of the report and its findings, but rather, a damning description of the Trump organization as one big gang — a crime syndicate to be precise. They say that the case being laid out by Mueller, and the order in which indictments are being handed down, are more indicative of a RICO (Rabbiteering Influenced and Corrupt Organizations) case than it is of a fake witch hunt…err…investigation. left to right: Rico Suave, Rico Petrocelli, and RICO Predicate. Note: If you remember Rico Petrocelli, or if you are Olivia Munn, drop us a message here. Earlier we were incorrect in our RICO explanation. It is “Racketeering,” not “Rabbiteering.” We apologize. However, on the subject of rabbits, this is a good time for our yearly reminder to everyone out there: Never ever fall for Vice President Mike Pence’s (sp?) “wanna kiss a bunny between the ears?” trick. https://ift.tt/2FsnLwG In other news, there was a shocking development this past week that may not have caught your attention. The NRA announced it supports New Zealand’s ban of military style, semi-automatic weapons saying, “in reality, there’s really no need for anyone to own one. They are made for one purpose, killing humans. You don’t need that to hunt or to farm.” That is not to say that the group didn’t have concerns — they were very concerned about the island nation’s gun buyback scheme. Specifically, they wanted to ensure that the government was paying fair-market value for the guns at the pre-ban price. The group also reminded people that the North Island and Bay of Plenty 300 Metre Championship will still be going ahead as scheduled from 18 May through 19…wait a minute. That ain’t how we spell “meter” in ‘merica. Shit. This is the NRA of New Zealand. And they have nothing Never mind. Though if you are interested in the 300 metre championship, here’s the link. Our hearts are truly heavy for New Zealand this week, and we have nothing but respect for how they are handling the mass shooting that killed 50 worshippers and injured 50 more at Al Noor Mosque and Linwood Islamic Centre Mosque. To put the 50 deaths in perspective, over the last decade, New Zealand has averaged just under 47 homicides per year. (Side note: in 2018, the United States had 55 gun deaths…IN SCHOOLS alone.) The nation is considered the second safest in the world. Or as our Kiwi friend, Chris, put it, “this isn’t something that happens here, only now it does.” And how did the Kiwis react to the tragedy? By mourning, grieving, coming together, and then banning semi-automatic weapons of the type used in the white supremacist terrorist attack. It took all of 6 days. Yes, yes…we know there are huge differences between New Zealand and the United States. The US has over 327 million people — New Zealand has 4.5 million people (which, ironically, is the same number Donald Trump claims attended his rally in Lima, OH this week). In the US, there are 1.2 guns for every person. In New Zealand there are 4 persons for every one gun. Here are just a couple more of the differences. This is how US sports teams and their fans get fired up: https://ift.tt/2HN1DyK This is how the Kiwis do it: https://ift.tt/2FsDL1R This is what leadership looks like in the US in 2019: https://ift.tt/2HN1BH8 And this is what leadership looks like in New Zealand in 2019: Finally, in other world news, it was decided this week that Britain will not, in fact, cut its nose off next week. And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where a high-profile member of a political party that constantly attacks what it calls “frivolous lawsuits,” and who calls members of the opposition party “snowflakes,” is suing Twitter for a quarter of a billion dollars because a fake cow is making fun of him with Tweets. If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things that the kids these days do. Follow us on Medium.com and on twitter at @sbouchard67 https://ift.tt/2NSvnOH The Big Gang Theory — a Bob Mueller Presentation was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
