Sean Hannity Puts His Witless Witness Skills to the Test!



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Via: ExtraNews

HOW TO BE SUBPOENAED IN ONE EASY STEP.BFF’s The first thing we need to establish is that Sean Hannity is an imbecile. Let me explain. His brain is like a normal human brain when removed from its host skull, danced upon, put into a washing machine and dried on high, then eaten by a platypus that later poops it out right back into Hannity’s haunted, bullet-shaped, skull. However, I’m not here to disparage Mr. Hannity, because I could never do as good or thorough a job as Hannity does himself. I’m just here to point out that Sean Hannity is equal parts idiotic and DANGEROUS. And then a WONDERFUL thing happened. Hannity, obviously confused due to blunt-force head-trauma combined with psychotropic drugs, shrewdly decided to publicly declare on-air, to Trump — that Michael Cohen privately told him “at least a dozen times” that “he made the decision on the payments — and he didn’t tell you.” “He told me that personally,” Hannity said to Trump. And guess what happened? Did you guess that — it opened a door for Hannity to have the very exciting opportunity to lie under oath and get indicted for it and go to prison? Wow, great guess — because that’s exactly what happened. YAY! Now, as to Hannity’s claim that — Michael Cohen secretly paid $130,000 to a woman — to compensate her for six and a half minutes of very traumatizing sex with Donald Trump as Trump’s wife was busy giving birth. — And that Michael Cohen reached right into his own pocket and gladly paid the bill for his maniacal billionaire pal. Like a happy idiot. I must take this moment to ask all of you, everyone across the political spectrum, and everyone on Earth.Have you, or anyone you know, EVER witnessed or heard about A LAWYER paying a large sum of hush money for a client without that client’s knowledge and WITHOUT ASKING FOR THE LARGE SUM OF MONEY BACK?Ever?No, not once? That’s because that has never happened from present times back to when lawyers lived in caves and settled trademark disputes over ownership of fire. Now, let’s all remember that Hannity had previously claimed “inside knowledge” that “Russia didn’t hack the DNC”. (Tee hee…) This “inside knowledge” came from two different sources, namely: Vladimir Putin, and Putin’s own pet monster, Donald Trump. Hannity said this repeatedly until an actual, real, federal judge wearing a very somber expression ordered him to stop. Isn’t that FUN? Now, again claiming “inside knowledge” due to not having any “outside knowledge”, or any “internal knowledge”, or any “general knowledge”, Hannity basically said: “HI! PLEASE SUBPOENA ME SO THAT I CAN PURGER MYSELF INTO A LONG STAY IN A FEDERAL PRISON!” Some have alluded to Hannity’s hope that he and Trump will wind up cellmates like their Muppet brethren Ernie and Bert, as the motivating factor for this. I spoke with a Hannity associate who asked not to be named, so I belligerently named him Heywood U. Cuddleme. He gave me this quote: “Hannity hoped that he’d be indicted, imprisoned, and then be able to form a bowling league with Trump, Manafort, Kushner, and (Nixon-tattooed ‘sexy’ pin-head) Roger Stone.” — Heywood U. Cuddleme. Inspiring words, indeed. It’s relevant to note that Sean Hannity has a LOT of HOBBIES! Here’s a list. (I like making lists). Blaming Seth Rich’s death on Hillary Clinton, until Rich’s own grieving parents had to sue FOX to stop. In a rare act of compassion and conscience, Hannity has since changed that narrative to state that Hillary AND Rich’s parents were involved in Rich’s murder. Interviewing Michael Cohen while also not disclosing his business ties to Michael Cohen. Telling Donald Trump what to say every hour of every day. Then appearing at his rallies in order to call all honest, real, actual, American and international journalists “Fake News”, keeping alive a tradition of Third Reich practices last seen in Nazi Germany. Using his platform to further Russian propaganda efforts about Hillary being: “near death” and also “drunk”. Then Hannity went on to rant like a maniac about a “Deep State” by disparaging the entire US intelligence community. People who get up every day to investigate stuff to keep us all alive and not on fire. People who sometimes die doing so. Calling them ‘corrupt’, a group that’s mostly heroes. Publicly endorsing Roy Moore’s right to molest any pre-teen children as Moore sees fit, as well as Moore’s campaign to become the very first Alabama Senator to change all laws banning Roy Moore from various malls and middle schools and playgrounds. Rants against the LGBT, and calling AIDS “A Gay Disease”, (prompting AIDS to reply through its representatives that “Hannity is a Straight Disease”, and also that it’s “now very sorry for the Freddy Mercury thing, had I known about Hannity I would have given myself to him instead”.) In an amazing display of hatred and bigotry, Hannity accused gay people of being “filled with hatred and bigotry”. That happened. No, really. No, it really did. No, really. (I’d tell you to Google it but I fear losing you, my cherished and beloved reader, if even for a moment). Various disturbing rants against minorities. On television. Hannity also promoted “torture”. And “birtherism”. Hannity owns at least 877 residential properties, which were bought at nearly $89 million with the help of loans from the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). YAY! And Hannity is a vocal proponent that “climate change is a hoax” and stated that “all the ensuing natural devastation we’re about to see unfold is due to liberals insisting that fossil fuels cause climate change, thus angering various demons from hell who LIKE fossil fuels who will thus subject us all to having N.Y. underwater, CA. on fire, and tornados, tsunamis, hurricanes, and mudslides everywhere else. So, EXCITED that Hannity will soon be subpoenaed, and will absolutely lie under oath, and then be indicted for lying under oath? Are YOU planning on boycotting EVERY company that advertises on Hannity’s show and writing them letters explaining why, because you’re trying to save the world because that’s what heroes do? Let us know in the comments below! Written by Steven W. Rouach (No, really! ) FUN FACT: Every time you give a round of applause at bottom of the page of one of my stories, I literally leap up and take a bow. True story. If You Follow Me, I Will Lead You Into Nonsense. Here’s my Facebook group (Join Us!!) https://ift.tt/2zc91w6 If you’d like to support my writing, please do so here: https://ift.tt/2zqRqRF swrouach@gmail.com ©2019 SWRouach Sean Hannity Puts His Witless Witness Skills to the Test! was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.


Sean Hannity Puts His Witless Witness Skills to the Test!

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