Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "Mo’ Beto News"
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This Weak in Politics, Vol. 173 March 14, 2019 What a week this has been. Or to put it as the cable news channels put it today… “what a Beto this Beto has been. And coming up next, former Texas Congressman Beto O’Rourke is scheduled to parallel park his car, go into the Keokuk Community Center, and use the bathroom. We are told he will then deliver brief remarks — after washing his hands of course — and then will answer questions. You’re watching MSNBetoC…” In case you are living under a rock or in Tristan da Cunha, you are aware that Beto O’Rourke announced today that he is running for president of these United States. Damn you, Tristan da Cunha You are also aware, thanks to the aforementioned cable news, that his wife’s name is Amy, she stayed home today to get the kids ready for school, his kids did indeed go to school, he took off his sweater, he drives his own minivan (and chickened out on the parallel parking, opting instead for a front of the line space with only a car behind him. Fucking Millennials), gets hot, sometimes takes his sweater off…but get this…OTHER TIMES HE DOESN’T! President John Fitzgerald “Beto” Clooney Einstein O’Rourke On the upside, at least it’s not like giving someone nonstop, live TV coverage during a campaign makes an easier path to the presidency or anything. But if that WERE the case, we may well have seen the anointed one today. The nation’s staid and focused attention on Beto (which, translated literally means “shiny object”) O’Rourke showed that perhaps we no longer suffer from OCD — Ocasio-Cortez Derangement. Beto’s (that’s right, we’re on a faux first name basis) entrance into the race immediately attracted the support of 24% of Democratic voters — voters who one day hope to learn what his views are. The Republicans are watching the O’Rourke coverage with keen interest in the event he becomes the Democratic nominee, forcing them to become Beto-blockers. The burgeoning Democratic race is proving to be a stark contrast with what 2020 will look like for Republicans — the Democrats, having taking note of the shifting demographics of their base —massive increases in persons of color and in women — are falling in love for Beto, …a white male. Shit…narrative spoiled. Let’s start again. The burgeoning Democratic race is proving to be a stark contrast with what 2020 will look like for Republicans — the Democrats, having taking note of the shifting demographics of their base — massive increases in women and in persons of color — now have six women running for president, along with nearly that many people of color. As for the Republicans, we don’t want to say they are lily white, but Mike Pence (sp?) is the nearest thing to a black man on their ticket. And as for women, well, we aren’t saying the Trump campaign is a sausage fest (mostly because we hate the term, and the accompany giphy), but if this were a war, they’d be called a Dick Armey. As it is, they’re known colloquially as “chock full o’ nuts.” Women are empowered this cycle — and having tasted victory by being the main reason the Democrats retook the House and a woman became Speaker — are organizing like never before and running for office in record numbers. The women running for president are doing so because they want to create economic opportunity for all Americans, to balance the budget in ways that won’t harm the nation’s safety net, and to move our nation’s foreign policy toward a smart power approach rather than a super power approach. In other words, women are running for president for myriad reasons. Men, on the other hand, are running for the one reason men always do. We’ll let this picture speak a thousand words about that one reason: Whoa there, Pete Buttigieg are you running for president or just happy to see us? The other guy with, ummm…perhaps an inflated view, is Jay Inslee, whom we are only including because one reader would get mad if we didn’t. We won’t name names, but it rhymes with Neborah Delson. Perhaps these Democratic men, plus Schultz and Bernie, earned from our over-compensating commander-in-chief. So, before he thinks we’ve forgotten him, we’ve put together a little piece (see what we did there?) for him. https://ift.tt/2uaKpTI On the subject of President trump, this week he submitted his budget to the Congress. It has about as much a chance of passing as Eric Trump did the SATs (more on that in a bit). The budget underscored further differences between the President and humans. Here is the budget in a nutshell so simple even the aforementioned (there’s that word again) Eric Trump would understand it. If something will help the old, the sick, the infirm (do people still use that word?, communities of color, women, children, the environment, animals, education, the sciences, or humanity, the president took funds from it to build an arsenal that could destroy the earth 11 times over (because six isn’t enough), to build a wall that apparently has already been built and that Mexico paid for, and for space. No, not to explore it, but to use it to blow shit up. The aforementioned That’s right, the two parties even have different views on space exploration. Republicans see space as the next frontier… in global warfare, and Democrats see it as a laboratory of learning for probes, experiments, and all kinds of sciencey crap. In essence, the two parties’ views on space come down to this Republicans’ message to the president is this: “Mr. President, we are very pro space. Your space force idea is brilliant,” while Democrats’ message to the president is this: “Mr. President, we are supportive of probes, like the Rover Probe, or the Mueller Probe, which we hope explores absolutely everything in your orbit, including Uranus.” And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where fabulously wealthy white people, with the greatest set of advantages in the history of humanity, are bribing lacrosse coaches so their little Thurston Howell the thirds can get into even better schools. They don’t need this. They’re rich, so they must be smart…right? https://ift.tt/2W3L05Q If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things that the kids these days do. Follow us on Medium.com and on twitter at @sbouchard67 https://ift.tt/2NSvnOH Mo’ Beto News was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
