Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "Midterm Election 2018 — It’s da Bomb"
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Midterm Election 2018 — It’s da BombThis Weak in Politics, Vol. 155 October 25, 2018 This is going to be another brief issue because a) we are really busy, and b) there’s really nothing going on this week. Well, other than the President of the United States failing to criticize the brutal murder of a Washington Post journalist by an ally because he doesn’t want to jeopardize arms sales, China and Russia listening in on the president’s calls from his unprotected cell phone (does this mean the president engages in unprotected texts?), and the largest assassination attempt in the United States since April 14, 1865. Or as Trump would put it, “we set a record!” And how did the president respond to this spate of bad news? By deploying troops to the border to prepare to protect us against abuela and her nietos who are walking from Guatemala to stealthily sneak up to the border and seek asylum. If they were to walk 12 hours a day, they are expected to hit the border in early December. But the president doesn’t want to take any risks, so he is deploying the troops now. How Trump believes Americans will view his amassing of troops on the border. Also known as “Trump Crossing the Rio Grande”What it will actually look like. Also known as “Is This Really Who We Are?” But first, back to the big news of the week. Former first couples the Obamas and the Clintons, along with former Vice President Joe Biden, former Attorney General Eric Holder, former CIA Director John Brennan, Congresswoman Maxine Waters, Actor Robert DeNiro, liberal financier George Soros, and CNN all received suspicious packages this week. Suspicious package The list of particular people targeted by these bombs caught the attention of many, including President Trump, who was puzzled as to why these folks would be targeted. “I can’t imagine what someone would have against the founder of ISIS and his wife, the worst abuser of women in US political history, crooked Hillary, crazy Joe, the guy who went after Christians, one of the biggest liars and leakers in Washington, an unhinged low IQ person, a punch drunk low IQ individual, the guy who is financing the leftist mobs here and abroad, and the fake news, enemy of the people.” The packages each contained a pipe-bomb of questionable functionality (sort of like the Mike Pence [sp?]of explosives), a mysterious white powder, and in true American fashion, a sticker that read “Git her done.” Experts in explosive forensics and criminal profiling were brought in to help determine the origin of the bombs. They quickly turned their attention to the state of Florida because if something f#$%ed* up happens, it usually starts in Florida. Said one expert, “in cases of bizarre threats, we always look to known associates such as ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, aggrieved litigants and then we look at people from Florida.” *Yeah, we didn’t swear there. That’s because our mother suggested the language was a little too salty and she was not comfortable reading TWITPOL out loud to all the other old ladies on the east side. Well maybe you should all get off your %^&*&$ lazy a$$#s and go knocking on doors or phone-banking instead of reading this shit. Oops. We mean sh*t. Speaking of sh*t, the elaborate tale spun by the House of Saud to explain the killing of Jamal Khashoggi turned out to be a bunch of it. The Saudi’s theory — that Khashoggi walked out of the embassy alive…ummm…we mean was killed in a rogue fistfight — was so bad even Trump figured it out. This situation has put Trump in an awkward position (we hate typing the words “Trump” and “position” in the same sentence, but we digress), as the president really likes buying and selling things to and from Saudis. He has also established good relationships with Mohammad Bin Salman and his family. The crown prince and the clown prince. Or, if you will, MBS and Mr. BS For more on the Saudi situation, please read last week’s issue of TWITPOL. We don’t mean to brag, but it has already been read by tens of people. Or hundreds, if you’re Sean Spicer. And I hope you aren’t. Donald Trump: Saudi By Nature And finally, the President of the United States, a man known for having one of the world’s great memories, this week confused his national security advisor, John Bolton, with adult contemporary singer Michael Bolton. For those of you who don’t know who Michael Bolton is. He is like Kenny G., but with lyrics. Or Billy Joel, but with music. For those of you who don’t know who Kenny G. is, he is like Chuck Mangione, but with more than one song. We better stop now or this could go on straight through the mid-terms. In fairness to Trump, Ambassador Bolton inadvertently fed the confusion by publicly releasing the memorandum he wrote to President Putin before embarking on his trip. And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where that damn song is going to be stuck in your head straight through to the midterms. For the uninitiated, here you go. If you enjoy reading TWITPOL please seek help. But please also follow us, “clap” for this story, recommend it, share it, tweet it, and do all sorts of other things that the kids these days do. Follow us on Medium.com and on twitter at @sbouchard67 https://ift.tt/2NSvnOH Midterm Election 2018 — It’s da Bomb was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
