Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "10 People Trump Meant To Target When Sending Hit List To His Pipe Bomber"
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Via: Medium
Truth In Satire10 People Donald Trump Meant To Target When Sending Hit List To His Pipe BomberThe president had just forwarded a revised target list to Cesar Sayoc when the pro-Trump suspect was arrested in South Florida Apprehended near his parked white van covered in Trump stickers, Cesar Sayoc admitted to police that he was the president’s accomplice in sending more than 12 pipe bombs to political opponents across the country. Mr. Sayoc told police that the president directed him to make the bombs “look like dildos to scare the skirts off those me-too bitches.” (Credit: www.wilx.com) When arrested, Mr. Sayoc was also carrying a revised list of bomb targets that he had just received from President Trump, but was caught before being able to mail a new batch of bombs to their intended recipients. All are prominent figures who have been vociferous critics of Donald Trump in the past. The list of 10 new targets, along with notations from the president, included: Kanye West: “Used to tolerate this nutcase, but he made me look bad in the Oval a couple weeks ago. Hydrogen-powered iPlane One — what a jerk. Blow him up!” J.K. Rowling: “I don’t care if you have to go all the way to England to ignite this bitch. Do it!” Mitt Romney: “I think he already has a bomb up his ass the way he walks, but either way, let’s disintegrate this arrogant dick before he wins an election and drives me even more f — king crazy.” Meryl Streep: “Hasn’t been in anything good since The Deer Hunter and she says nasty things about me. Explode her!” Stephen King: “Guy’s a horror story. Thinks he’s a smart-ass but no one with brains was ever born in Maine. Break his legs first, then BOOM BOOM!” Stormy Daniels: “Tape two pipe bombs to her big boobs and put one up her fur burger and then light the fuse. And save a couple dyno sticks for that sleazy lawyer of hers, Michael Avesnotty.” Eric Trump: “I never liked the kid. Detonate him.” Lena Dunham: “Ugly, ugly, ugly. I’ll be doing the world a favor. Blast this little misshapen whiner!” Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski: “I got a nice twofer assignment for you here, Cesar, and I need you to blow them up together. Which won’t be hard because they have their noses up each other’s asses every f — king minute. Make the bang really loud to drown out their constant bellyaching.” Melania: “Why not? I need a new squeeze plus I know she’ll explode without a trace.” It is believed Mr. Trump met Cesar Sayoc when the suspect was employed as a sand raker and body burier at the president’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida. Mr. Sayoc’s advancement to “Personal Bomber for the President” was apparently a recent promotion. **** For my original Trump-themed book of satire, visit allanishac.com. Thanks for your claps. Always appreciated. I read all your comments and answer as many as possible. Go here or here to read two popular past posts. More Trump humor at allanishac.com. 10 People Trump Meant To Target When Sending Hit List To His Pipe Bomber was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
