Below is an extract of a post published on ExtraNews titled "Trump Claims 3,000 Who Died In Puerto Rico Were Paid Actors"
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Via: ExtraNews
TRUTH IN SATIRES.A.G.? SAD!(EVAN VUCCI / AP)Pictured above: They’re Extra Absorbent, just like his diapers! Ah, Trump and Puerto Rico. After the horrifying devastation of Hurricane Maria, Trump famously traveled to Puerto Rico shortly after being forced to, in order to provide what he felt was a proper response to their devastation, in terms of the office he holds*. *(due to a series of practical jokes gone awry). So, reminiscent of JFK’s steely resolve during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and FDR’s inspiring infamy speech about Pearl Harbor, Trump, in order to balm the wounds of an injured nation viewing this horrible crisis, decided to hurl rolls of paper towels at Puerto Rican people’s heads as they floated by. After beaning about 10 of them square in the head, Trump demanded a “prize”… a stuffed animal or poster, and was disappointed when his aides informed him there were no actual carnival prizes for him due to his targets being very lethargic and easy to pelt, due to the onset of leptospirosis. THEN, Trump — and I swear on Dave Barry I’m not making this up — basically called Puerto Ricans “lazy”. Isn’t that something?… Don’t believe me? Dudes and Dudettes I SWORE on Dave Barry! The man is a national treasure! Okay fine, here’s Trump’s tweets that, according to terrified White House inside sources, Trump reportedly tweeted while sitting on the bowl in the east corridor bathroom, as diarrhea simultaneously exploded from his ass, eye sockets, ears, nose, and mouth, causing significant damage to the east corridor, and resulting in compelling 2/3rds of the White House janitorial staff to quit their employment. A sobering example of when the innermost thoughts of an idiot, become the outermost thoughts of an idiot. Trump felt Puerto Ricans are lazy, due to the natural result of him being a 6'3 giant ferret dressed in an ill-fitting suit, and stapled to a hair weave. It makes him easily confused and befuddled. For an example of this, see everything Trump has ever done or said. (This is why Nazi scientists eventually discontinued their highly immoral human-ferret-hybrid experiments back in the 40’s, — though shortly after the Herr Trump Wissenschaftliche Frettchen Experimente program stopped, the resulting fetuses were shipped to the U.S. as part of Hitler’s devious plan to eventually destroy America 70 years into the future.) Trump also didn’t realize that most of the Puerto Rican population having leptospirosis caused them to be lethargic as they floated by, while other Puerto Rican citizens were suffering the effects of rigor-mortis, due to being dead. However GOOD NEWS! Trump, uncharacteristically for humans, yet characteristically for him, shouted “FAKE NEWS” about the 3,000 + corpses scattered about in Puerto Rico and claimed all the so-called victims of Hurricane Maria were paid actors, hired by the Democrats to drown and die convincingly. He also later proposed an idea that Hillary used Puerto Rico to test out her new “death ray”, then veered over to the idea that all those thousands of corpses were all victimized male sex workers Mike Pence murdered in his basement / Love Dungeon. And now, here we are. Trump has called what happened to Puerto Rico a rousing SUCCESS. No, really. No, he really did! He said that. With his mouth! he opened his mouth, a bunch of lizards flew out in a visible cloud of halitosis, and he said ‘Puerto Rico Was An Incredible, Unsung Success!’ SUCCESS!!!! (Susan Walsh / AP) By “unsung” Trump didn’t account for any songs sung by mourners at 3,000 or more funerals for people, who according to Trump were buried alive. Sad. Written by Steven W. Rouach swrouach@gmail.com FUN FACT: Every time you give a round of applause at bottom of the page of one of my stories, I literally leap up and take a bow. True story. If You Follow Me, I Will Lead You Into Nonsense. Here’s my Facebook group (Join Us!!) https://ift.tt/2zc91w6 If you’d like to support my writing, please do so here: https://ift.tt/2zqRqRF ©2018 SWRouach Trump Claims 3,000 Who Died In Puerto Rico Were Paid Actors was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
