Below is an extract of a post published on Medium titled "Trump Has White House Doors Welded Shut To “Keep More Rats From Leaving”"
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Via: Medium
Truth In SatireAfter departure of chief counsel Don McGahn, president grows desperate in efforts to thwart “the traitors and stool pigeons”White House workers now weld the windows and doors shut after 7:00am daily. (Credit: http://adsensr.com) President Trump was so rattled by the announced departure of chief counsel Donald McGahn on Wednesday that he has ordered maintenance personnel to weld the White House windows and doors shut to prevent “any more rats from leaving my administration and singing to Mueller.” Don McGahn studying the president’s back, trying to decide where to drive the dagger. (Credit: www.washingtonpost.com) Mr. Trump was furious over reports that Mr. McGahn spoke extensively to special counsel Mueller’s investigators recently giving them critical details that could be used against the president in the Russia investigation. People close to Mr. Trump says that he is now desperate to find more ways to keep those in his inner circle from getting out and turning on him, including doubling the number of steel bars on the perimeter fence outside the White House. “We’re supposed to let people in at 7:00am then weld the doors and windows shut until 6pm when most of the president’s aides are ready to leave the building” said White House maintenance supervisor Laurence Solderman. “It’s a lot of work for nothing, if you ask me, but I’m just here to follow orders and the president’s orders come first.” Since the advisor exodus began, Mr. Trump has been adding more steel bars around the White House. (Credit: www.fifthdomain.com) Mr. Solderman added that the president also requested that a few small holding cells be built in the White House basement “to keep some of the real big mouths, people Mr. Trump doesn’t trust at all, in here overnight. I know Ms. Kellyanne has spent a few nights down there, but I’m not sure who else.” Mr. Solderman was apparently referring to Kellyanne Conway, one of the president’s closest advisors whose husband, high-powered attorney George Conway, has been publicly ridiculing Mr. Trump and his policies for months. The president has asked his vampirish first lady Melania to draw the blood used for the requested employee blood oaths. (Credit: https://ift.tt/1hY45Q7) Top aides inside the White House say the atmosphere there has grown tense with many feeling that they are being held captive against their will. The president has also instructed his chief of staff John Kelly to make everyone employed at the White House take a “blood oath” to the president and his family. According to White House historian and MSNBC commentator Michael Beschloss this is the first time that an American president has required a blood oath from his White House staff. Gun guys Don and Eric have been posted at the gates. (Credit: snopes.com) “It’s an unusual request, certainly,” said Mr. Beschloss, “and it indicates a high level of mistrust, even paranoia, on the part of President Trump and his family. I’ve also learned that the required blood is being drawn by Melania Trump which will only fuel rumors that the first lady is a Slovenian vampire. That’s the last thing this White House needs is for that kind of ghoulish rumor to be swirling around.” There was no confirmation by the White House of a second rumor that President Trump had posted hunters Donald Jr. and Eric Trump at the exits with elephant guns to intimidate anyone planning to storm the doors to escape to the special counsel’s offices in downtown Washington. **** For my original Trump-themed book of satire, visit allanishac.com. Thanks for your claps. Always appreciated. I read all your comments and answer as many as possible. Go here or here to read two popular past posts. More Trump humor at allanishac.com. Trump Has White House Doors Welded Shut To “Keep More Rats From Leaving” was originally published in Extra Newsfeed on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
